i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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