direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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