I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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