I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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