Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
