I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
