Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
