i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
no, he came in my armpit
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
