This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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