Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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