Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
