So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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