yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
