So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
