I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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