I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
