i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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