I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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