I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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