oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
