I hate all girls vehemently.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
