Porn is love you can see.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
