Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
