eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My penis needs a shock collar
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i am craving dick and cupcakes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
