grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
