I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
