based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
