You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
