he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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