mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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