It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
