UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
