Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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