I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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