just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
