I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
