I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
