I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
