I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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