I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Welp...herpes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
