Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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