You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
