Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
