I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
