Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
