Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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