He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let's paint friendship bongs
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
