Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
