I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i came on her dog
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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