Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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