I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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