I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
