Already got asked if we're dating
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
