After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sext me about skeletons
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
