There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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